Life Lessons: What ever happened to manners?

Manners

The very mention of manners can make some eyes roll. While it may seem an outdated idea, manners form the foundation of civilized people. Like it or not, good manners or bad manners can solidify the opinion of others about you. It’s true we do not control others’ opinions, but also true that we should endeavor to conduct ourselves with civility, which will inevitably impact those opinions.

A simple list of common manners.

Manners and kindness.

There is no excuse for treating others without kindness. Whether you know them, like them or abhor them, simple humanity insists on common kindness.

Manners when meeting someone.

Meeting someone is an important moment in both your lives and is all about first impressions. Look them in the eye and state a pleasantry that includes their name. EX: ‘Good to meet you, Anna’. This will give them respect and help you to remember their name later. A handshake is almost always welcome. Do not give limp handshakes, nor too firm a grip. Simply hold out your firm hand and let the other person take it.

Public conducts manners.

Conducting oneself in public does matter. Take note of the venue as you arrive. If it is a quite place, remain quiet. If it is a more boisterous place, remain calm but joyful, take note of your surroundings and stay safe and diligent in your own safety. Do not be the person who attempts to outdo or drown out others. Public includes other people’s homes when on a visit. Another person’s home, no matter how familiar you are with them, is not your home. Showing a lack of manners in someone’s home is very disrespectful. Good manners include being the person who stands up so that someone else can sit down.

Manners about hygiene.

Your appearance and hygiene really do matter to society. Presenting a clean and neat appearance that is free of unpleasant odors is respecting yourself and others. When you do not respect yourself in this manner, it offends others and does not make them want to be near you. The same can be said about manner of dress. Immodest apparel may attract attention, but this is not real or caring attention and seldom attracts people of good character.

Manners with eating (in or out).

In today’s western society, eating out is such an integral part of daily life that we may rarely think about manners. Still, the basics still apply. Do not talk with your mouth full. Use a napkin. Do not pile food on your plate or quickly shovel food into your mouth. Sit up straight without elbows on the table. Do not hoard food. Do not make a ‘pig’ out of yourself. The idea of getting seconds and thirds on servings is one of the worst poor manners ever invented. There is no host that would deny someone seconds if asked whether they want to or not. Unless the host brings you seconds and puts them onto your plate without you asking, there is no time that this is good manners. Any host that does this is not showing good manners.

These simple and basic eating manners cannot be ignored. A lot more could be said in the way of nutrition, but this volume is about manners.

Manners in speech.

Speaking in turn without interrupting and speaking with intention is the best manners you can have. Talking when someone else is talking or yet worse, laughing and giggling when someone else is talking, is rude and disrespectful.

Manners in business.

Matters of business should be conducted in calm quietness using proper names such as ‘Yes sir, Mr. Smith’, and etc.. Speaking clearly, concisely and slowly to make business matters flow and become complete quickly. This is good manners in respecting the other person’s time.

Manners at work.

The same that applies in business should be applied at work. Today’s work culture can be very casual, but nothing can affect someone’s opinion of you like having good manners at work and towards co-workers or anyone you come into contact with during the workday. This would also hold true when volunteering.

Manners when traveling.

If you have read down to this point, you can probably fill in this section yourself on how to conduct oneself while traveling. A calm demeanor does not mean you are not full of joy or excitement in your travels. It exudes peace and maturity.

Manners in taking up others time.

Always ask people, ‘Is this a good time?’ before your launch into your story or spiel. Most people will respond with a ‘yes, but’ and include how much time they have before another commitment requires their attention. Even if a person responds with ‘yes, I have no plans, and do not take up an inordinate amount of their time. Be sure to ask them about themselves first.

Manners with technology.

Modern times force this topic. Simple to say, when someone is talking to you, look them in the eye and actively listen to them. Checking your phone to see the time or if a truly urgent matter is pressing you is acceptable if you communicate that to the other person. Otherwise, keep your phone/device down.

Manners with difficult news.

Sometimes conversations have to be about sharing bad news or communicating something difficult. The utmost respect and kindness should be adhered to and the best way to do that is to deliver the news immediately. You can offer condolences, welcome discussion or explanations afterwards.